Post by BrentKoivopolo888 on Jul 11, 2021 12:54:01 GMT -6
A long time ago in an galaxy far, far away.....
THE HUMOROUS VERSIONS
THE CLOWN WARS
Episode 1
War rages across the galaxy. As the SEPARATISTS with their TINKER DRONE ARMIES continue to gain the support of more and more Star systems it becomes difficult for the Jedi to fight this war but fight it they must....
EXT. MON CALAMARI CUISINE-DAY
COUNT DOODU shakes hands with the leader of the QUARRELSOME SQUIDHEADS, as the Separatists ally with its faction of the planet MON CALAMARI CUISINE.
INT. PALPITATINE'S OFFICE-COOOOOOORUUUSCANT-DAY
PALPY the SLIMY sits at his SLIMY DESK as the leading members of the JEDI COUNCIL sit before him.
MACE WINDY: What are we to do about the situation on Munalisp? I will go to Dantooine to deal with those Seperatist M************ myself.
PALPITATINE: Why not send Manakin to lead the Air Raid?
OB-EWAN: WT*? That punk ain't ready for an assignment like that!
YOGA: Yes. To Ob-Ewan you listen. He may be a good pilot, but-
PALPS: Then it is decided. Anakin will go.
YOGA: Whatever the hell you say, Cameo.
INT. HANGAR - REPUBLIC CRUISER
OB-EWAN: Manakin, remember, make sure when you fly, to not try a bunch of stupid flashy maneuvers. That could get us killed.
MANAKIN: Only if they don't work, Master. I'm perfectly capable of flashy fighting moves, and making them work.
OB-EWAN: As long as we can steer clear of your enourmous ego, we should all be fine.
EXT. SPACE
MANAKIN flies his fighter towards the battle. OB-EWAN flies down toward Munalisp. But there is a problem.
MANAKIN: The whole scene before me is backwards.
Just then the ANIMATOR flips the cell over. The JEDI fly through uninterrupted.
MANAKIN: Boy, that was a close call!
EXT MUNALISP-DAY
A CLONE GUNSHIP painted like an APACHE HELICOPTER flies toward the surface of MUNALISP. Some TINKER DRONE COMMANDOS shoot it down. The GUNSHIP CRASHES to the SURFACE and EXPLODES INTO A HUGE FIREBALL.
ANOTHER CLONE GUNSHIP lands safely, parking next to a fire hydrant.
The door opens. A squad of Clown Troops, sons of Mango, ride out on Unicycles, balancing upside down bowling pins on the noses of their helmets and juggling colored balls.
One has a BOOMBOX on his shoulder. He climbs off his Unicycle and sets the BOOMBOX down. He flips it on.
CLONE COMMANDER COODY: Hit it!
As the song Stayin Alive jams and they dance to the beat, they blast away at the first wave of TINKER DRONES and pile up their dead bodies.
Then one sends a probe way up into the air which maps the city proper.
Then a CLONE COMMANDO takes a SPECTROSCOPE and scans the building ahead, looking for clankers.
As they continue to dance, the song changes to Beat It and they Moonwalk ahead, continually advancing their forward position.
EXT-MUNALISP-WASHINGTON DC-DAY
Mulan's friend Mushu scurries down a thoroughfare. A Golden Arches Trooper shoots him and he clambers away hurriedly, muttering.
The ARCH TROOPER leads some other TROOPS down the wide lane.
The ARCH TROOPER raises a hand and spreads his gloved fingers. Everyone else in the squad stops and gets into position to fire, and the red clad ARCH trooper with the Golden Arches on his back and the big floppy red shoes lowers his hand, then cocks his gun.
In front of them, a PANZER HOVERTANK comes into view. It fires at them and they fire back while twirling and stompin to the beat of Too Rai Ay.
Come on, Eileen
O, I swear....
A blue clad SAD CLOWN TROOPER singing 'Royals', descends on a rope behind the tank, and sneaks behind it, climbs on top of it as he sings at the top of his lungs, AND WE'LL NEVER BE ROYALS, and blasts his way downward and into the tank.
Too Rai Do Rai Too Rai TOO RAI AYYYYYYYY!
The SAD CLOWN TROOPER leaps out of the tank and runs away and it blows up behind him.
If you pause the cartoon right here you see a perfectly whole Tank with an all white background.
The TROOPERS move forward at a signal from the ARCH TROOPER.
The ARCH TROOPER holds up a holoprojector. A hologram of DARTH CHIN appears.
CHIN: Wrong channel, Moron!
ARCH TROOPER: Oops!
CHIN fades. A hologram of Ob-Ewan McNobi appears.
ARCH TROOPER: Target has been sighted. We're ready for the next phase.
The TROOPER fires a sanction gun up at a TINKER DRONE's feet on a TALL BUILDING. The TINKER DRONE just stands there and lets his head get blown off.
The TROOPERS advance to the next level up, or the next tier. They set their BOOM BOX down and turn it on again, this time its a solemn song even SAD CLOWN sings sometimes.
I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do ya?
The CLOWN TROOPS blow the CLANKERS away. One fires a Bazooka up to a higer level.
It goes like this, a fourth, a fifth, a minor fall, and a major lift, The Baffled king composing Hallelulia!
The SAD CLOWN gestures behind him with his thumb as the TROOPERS plant mines onn the SEPERATISTS HUGE HUGE SUPERGUN.
Halleluia, Hallelulia, Hallelulia, Halleluuuuuluuuulia
More sanction guns fire up the base of the gun and more TROOPS run up it toward them.
Maybe there's a God above, but all I've really learned from love is how to shoot somebody who oudrew ya
There is a huge explosion at the base of the tower.
And it's not a cry that you hear at night, it's not someone who's seen the light, its a cold and its a broken hallelulia!
All the CLOWN TROOPS meet at the top of the tower.
Halleluli, hallelulia, hallulia, halleluuuuuoooauuuuuooooouaoooouuuia!!!
EXT. MON CALAMARI CUISINE-DAY
Troubled is the planet Dak (Yeah, it's really called that-check the lore). The planet is divided. The Quarrelsome Squidheads Isolation League have sided with the Separatists. Alone, the Mon Calamari Cuisine Race is helpless. Intervene, we must.
Four REPUBLIC GUNSIPS descend through DAK's atmosphere over the Ocean Sea. Pull back to reveal it's a lot more than four.
INT. REPUBLIC GUNSHIP-DAY
A fat robed figure stands before a hologram of YOGA.
YOGA: Master Fatso, in these matters, trust your insight I do. May the Force be with you...and please, please go on a diet...I hear the south Beach diet is effective. Try it.
KID FATSO: (Muching on some cheezy poofies) Whatever you say, boss.
He takes off his hood then his cape then sheds his robe entirely, revealing his manly chest.
FANGIRLS: Wow! What else are you going to take off you hunk of a man?!
FATSO takes a running dive into the Ocean while at the same time using the Force to cause his saber to come off of his utility belt, flip in the air, and just before diving in grabs his saber with both hands. A number of CLOWN TROOPERS dive with him in SCUBA gear. FATSO ignites his green brightsabre and an Aquaman style fight ensues. FATSO and his troops faces the advancing CLANKER WATERSHIPS head on, who fire their red lasers at them.
During the battle, some MON CALAMARI CUISINE EELRIDERS lay some serious hurt on the CLANKER SUBS. Then YET ANOTHER SEPARATIST REHASHED SUPERWEAPON IDEA IS REVEALED and starts taking out BOAT after BOAT on the OCEAN's SURFACE.
KID FATSO pulls out a GIANT TUBE of ACME BUBBLE SOLUTION, and dips in a GIANT BUBBLE WAND, waves it in the water, and creates a GIANT BUBBLE, and hurls it at the SUPERWEAPON, which goes all the way through it. EELS push the SUPERWEAPON into a giant pit, which makes that weapon and HANDS OFF about the only two things or people that have ever fallen down a shaft in Star Wars and stayed dead.
THE HUMOROUS VERSIONS
THE CLOWN WARS
Episode 1
War rages across the galaxy. As the SEPARATISTS with their TINKER DRONE ARMIES continue to gain the support of more and more Star systems it becomes difficult for the Jedi to fight this war but fight it they must....
EXT. MON CALAMARI CUISINE-DAY
COUNT DOODU shakes hands with the leader of the QUARRELSOME SQUIDHEADS, as the Separatists ally with its faction of the planet MON CALAMARI CUISINE.
INT. PALPITATINE'S OFFICE-COOOOOOORUUUSCANT-DAY
PALPY the SLIMY sits at his SLIMY DESK as the leading members of the JEDI COUNCIL sit before him.
MACE WINDY: What are we to do about the situation on Munalisp? I will go to Dantooine to deal with those Seperatist M************ myself.
PALPITATINE: Why not send Manakin to lead the Air Raid?
OB-EWAN: WT*? That punk ain't ready for an assignment like that!
YOGA: Yes. To Ob-Ewan you listen. He may be a good pilot, but-
PALPS: Then it is decided. Anakin will go.
YOGA: Whatever the hell you say, Cameo.
INT. HANGAR - REPUBLIC CRUISER
OB-EWAN: Manakin, remember, make sure when you fly, to not try a bunch of stupid flashy maneuvers. That could get us killed.
MANAKIN: Only if they don't work, Master. I'm perfectly capable of flashy fighting moves, and making them work.
OB-EWAN: As long as we can steer clear of your enourmous ego, we should all be fine.
EXT. SPACE
MANAKIN flies his fighter towards the battle. OB-EWAN flies down toward Munalisp. But there is a problem.
MANAKIN: The whole scene before me is backwards.
Just then the ANIMATOR flips the cell over. The JEDI fly through uninterrupted.
MANAKIN: Boy, that was a close call!
EXT MUNALISP-DAY
A CLONE GUNSHIP painted like an APACHE HELICOPTER flies toward the surface of MUNALISP. Some TINKER DRONE COMMANDOS shoot it down. The GUNSHIP CRASHES to the SURFACE and EXPLODES INTO A HUGE FIREBALL.
ANOTHER CLONE GUNSHIP lands safely, parking next to a fire hydrant.
The door opens. A squad of Clown Troops, sons of Mango, ride out on Unicycles, balancing upside down bowling pins on the noses of their helmets and juggling colored balls.
One has a BOOMBOX on his shoulder. He climbs off his Unicycle and sets the BOOMBOX down. He flips it on.
CLONE COMMANDER COODY: Hit it!
As the song Stayin Alive jams and they dance to the beat, they blast away at the first wave of TINKER DRONES and pile up their dead bodies.
Then one sends a probe way up into the air which maps the city proper.
Then a CLONE COMMANDO takes a SPECTROSCOPE and scans the building ahead, looking for clankers.
As they continue to dance, the song changes to Beat It and they Moonwalk ahead, continually advancing their forward position.
EXT-MUNALISP-WASHINGTON DC-DAY
Mulan's friend Mushu scurries down a thoroughfare. A Golden Arches Trooper shoots him and he clambers away hurriedly, muttering.
The ARCH TROOPER leads some other TROOPS down the wide lane.
The ARCH TROOPER raises a hand and spreads his gloved fingers. Everyone else in the squad stops and gets into position to fire, and the red clad ARCH trooper with the Golden Arches on his back and the big floppy red shoes lowers his hand, then cocks his gun.
In front of them, a PANZER HOVERTANK comes into view. It fires at them and they fire back while twirling and stompin to the beat of Too Rai Ay.
Come on, Eileen
O, I swear....
A blue clad SAD CLOWN TROOPER singing 'Royals', descends on a rope behind the tank, and sneaks behind it, climbs on top of it as he sings at the top of his lungs, AND WE'LL NEVER BE ROYALS, and blasts his way downward and into the tank.
Too Rai Do Rai Too Rai TOO RAI AYYYYYYYY!
The SAD CLOWN TROOPER leaps out of the tank and runs away and it blows up behind him.
If you pause the cartoon right here you see a perfectly whole Tank with an all white background.
The TROOPERS move forward at a signal from the ARCH TROOPER.
The ARCH TROOPER holds up a holoprojector. A hologram of DARTH CHIN appears.
CHIN: Wrong channel, Moron!
ARCH TROOPER: Oops!
CHIN fades. A hologram of Ob-Ewan McNobi appears.
ARCH TROOPER: Target has been sighted. We're ready for the next phase.
The TROOPER fires a sanction gun up at a TINKER DRONE's feet on a TALL BUILDING. The TINKER DRONE just stands there and lets his head get blown off.
The TROOPERS advance to the next level up, or the next tier. They set their BOOM BOX down and turn it on again, this time its a solemn song even SAD CLOWN sings sometimes.
I heard there was a secret chord, that David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don't really care for music, do ya?
The CLOWN TROOPS blow the CLANKERS away. One fires a Bazooka up to a higer level.
It goes like this, a fourth, a fifth, a minor fall, and a major lift, The Baffled king composing Hallelulia!
The SAD CLOWN gestures behind him with his thumb as the TROOPERS plant mines onn the SEPERATISTS HUGE HUGE SUPERGUN.
Halleluia, Hallelulia, Hallelulia, Halleluuuuuluuuulia
More sanction guns fire up the base of the gun and more TROOPS run up it toward them.
Maybe there's a God above, but all I've really learned from love is how to shoot somebody who oudrew ya
There is a huge explosion at the base of the tower.
And it's not a cry that you hear at night, it's not someone who's seen the light, its a cold and its a broken hallelulia!
All the CLOWN TROOPS meet at the top of the tower.
Halleluli, hallelulia, hallulia, halleluuuuuoooauuuuuooooouaoooouuuia!!!
EXT. MON CALAMARI CUISINE-DAY
Troubled is the planet Dak (Yeah, it's really called that-check the lore). The planet is divided. The Quarrelsome Squidheads Isolation League have sided with the Separatists. Alone, the Mon Calamari Cuisine Race is helpless. Intervene, we must.
Four REPUBLIC GUNSIPS descend through DAK's atmosphere over the Ocean Sea. Pull back to reveal it's a lot more than four.
INT. REPUBLIC GUNSHIP-DAY
A fat robed figure stands before a hologram of YOGA.
YOGA: Master Fatso, in these matters, trust your insight I do. May the Force be with you...and please, please go on a diet...I hear the south Beach diet is effective. Try it.
KID FATSO: (Muching on some cheezy poofies) Whatever you say, boss.
He takes off his hood then his cape then sheds his robe entirely, revealing his manly chest.
FANGIRLS: Wow! What else are you going to take off you hunk of a man?!
FATSO takes a running dive into the Ocean while at the same time using the Force to cause his saber to come off of his utility belt, flip in the air, and just before diving in grabs his saber with both hands. A number of CLOWN TROOPERS dive with him in SCUBA gear. FATSO ignites his green brightsabre and an Aquaman style fight ensues. FATSO and his troops faces the advancing CLANKER WATERSHIPS head on, who fire their red lasers at them.
During the battle, some MON CALAMARI CUISINE EELRIDERS lay some serious hurt on the CLANKER SUBS. Then YET ANOTHER SEPARATIST REHASHED SUPERWEAPON IDEA IS REVEALED and starts taking out BOAT after BOAT on the OCEAN's SURFACE.
KID FATSO pulls out a GIANT TUBE of ACME BUBBLE SOLUTION, and dips in a GIANT BUBBLE WAND, waves it in the water, and creates a GIANT BUBBLE, and hurls it at the SUPERWEAPON, which goes all the way through it. EELS push the SUPERWEAPON into a giant pit, which makes that weapon and HANDS OFF about the only two things or people that have ever fallen down a shaft in Star Wars and stayed dead.